make sense

I have been depressed the last couple of days. I'm not sure why. Maybe its because I am finally realizing that I can't really rely on my family like I thought I could. I don't really know whats going on in my life at the moment.

heyy

I dont have much to say right now. Thought I should post something though.

For Lilly

Friendship: A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. 

That is how Google defines friends, but its deeper then that. Deeper then mere words could ever describe, but something that can be easily lost or broken at a moments notice. 

Best friend: The one friend who is closest to you.  

I don't know about you but I have never had one best friend. There are so many different circumstances that can require a different best friend or a situation that causes you to make a new best friend to add onto the pile of best friends. I don't believe one person could fit every role required in any situation. 

I have multiple best friends, some I have had for years and some that I have only known for a few years, and ones who know me better than I know my own self.

The one I have known the longest is Lilly. 

I met her and her family the day they moved into my neighborhood. She did not like me right away.She thought I was some weird white girl, which I was. I was friends with Tina first, I'm not really sure how that happened, but as time went on Lilly and I became close, even after she smacked me across the back with a stick because I didn't want to pick up the papers I threw down. 

I really was a brat growing up. Lilly was there though. Even Tina and Kay. 

We had some fun times me and my girls. We spent most summers doing something everyday be it swimming, watching T.V., hitting on boys who were older then us, having singing and dancing contests (I have no moves) and many other things. Then Lilly got her drivers license. That was a miracle with the way she drives lol. 

That gave us freedom though. They introduced me to the party life. Drinking and staying out till late. Socializing with people I never would have had the nerve to talk to before. 

There were times when it was just me and her though. We would get in the car and go to our spot by the canal and just sit and talk. About the past, the present, the future. The boys we found hot, family problems, anything really. 

Somewhere along the line we grew apart. They say its because I started dating Rusty and they didn't want to intrude. I say it was happening long before that. 

Maybe it was when Lilly and Jerry were getting more serious while they weren't at the same time. Maybe it was the fact that I was growing out of the habits and past times they were still enjoying. Maybe it was a combination of all those things. 

Whatever it was I wish I could go back and fix it. Make sure I didn't let it slip away so easily. Maybe there was nothing I could have done, but now I fear its too late to fix, to take back the silence on both ends, the too busy schedules, the blown off plans. 

Now when I could use a friend the most I'm left hating myself for letting go of a relationship that was built over a long period of time. 

One that I miss the most. 

Listen to this

Goodbye to endings

In an hour it will be the end of July and the beginning of a new month, hopefully this means the end of drama and the start of good things.

I'll keep praying for that.

I feel bad for Rusty the past couple of days, I have been a real bitch and that is true. I admit it I have been a bitch. Its not all my fault, though I am not really trying to put the blame other places.

Its been hot, stinky and loud in this house the last two days.

I'm also on my girly time, which is a good thing. I'm not pregnant, yay! lol

Don't get me wrong I do want kids, someday but right now I'm only 22 and we are living in his parents house with 6 other people. His mom Gloria, dad Pete, older brother Rico, nephew Lil Rico, nephew Christian, and last but not least our favorite Brendan. Notice the sarcasm on the last kid.

They aren't that bad but they all lack serious attention from both of their parents. It shows in their behavior. Most days I want to grab Rico and smack him till he pays attention to his kids, God knows they need it.

I'm excited because tomorrow I can crochet even though I was semi sneaking and crocheted for three hours while Rusty was taking a nap after we argued.

Anyone else out there have stupid arguments when they are hot and cranky and in pain?
I know I do. Its when I'm my most irritable and when I tell you to back the hell off before I snap you really should.

Rusty and I like to push each other to the tipping point every so often. We just get this itch to keep pushing.
I think its because we have some communication issues. Don't we all though.

That's why my aunt wont talk to me.

Anywho thats a story for another day....

I'm going to go take a shower. Its hot and I'm all sweaty and stinky.

Tomorrow I will rehash the hurt that is in my heart but for tonight I leave you with this quote and the hope that we can all find some happiness in our dreams. 

Here's to today!

I have been dealing with issues,health or family wise, all my life. It's one of my many reasons why I am such a strong optimistic person, because I have to be. My family and friends need me to be. At a young age I threw myself into books to get away from my life. I loved to read fantasy books. I would stay up till all hours of the night reading, even if I had school or had to get up early.

I still read all the time. I have this app on my phone for Wattpad because books are so damn expensive these days and I am usually broke. No money usually and what I do have goes to yarn or gas. So that's how I fall asleep at night reading on my phone. Sometimes I drop it on my face, which is when I know its time for bed.

I've wanted to be a writer for most of my life. I have this amazing story inside of me but I am too afraid to let it out. I don't want to be a disappointment to my family, well the ones I still talk too. Every time I start a story is stop which is one of the reasons why I loved writing poetry, it can be ended whenever. It doesn't have to be more then a page, heck it doesn't have to be more then a paragraph if you so decided. It can be short and sweet and to the point without all that extra stuff.

Then I decided I wanted to be a baker because I loved making things and I love to see peoples faces and how they light up when they eat my bread, cookies or cake/brownies otherwise known as crownies lol. I decided against that, while I love to bake it wasn't something I could see myself doing long term especially with my allergies.

FYI: I'm allergic to citrus fruits including oranges,lemons, limes, and grapefruits. I also happen to be allergic to milk and my most recent development is strawberries. I cried when I found out I was allergic to them. I love Strawberries.

So after writing and baking failed I decided that I was going to pick up crocheting again in order to make some extra cash during Christmas, lets just say that that worked way better then I thought it would. I then decided that while I was going to keep doing side jobs, like helping my aunt, my grandma and cleaning an elderly ladys house, that I was going to try and make a crochet business work.

 I love making new things and the smiles on peoples faces when they see the item(s) they ordered or bought.

Speaking of which:

 The bonnet is done in light pink and white. It has a popcorn stitch with the white yarn. 

Price: $15.00

These booties match the baby bonnet with the colors. Size: 6- 12 months.

Price: $ 12.00

Cell phone cozy Green, black, and grey shimmer yarn. It has a grey ribbon to do a drawstring tie with the top of the cozy. 

Price: $8.00

Well I think that is all today. one of my longest posts so far. 

I'm baaaack!

Did you miss me? My almost nonexistent readers? Well I missed you. Been busy trying to solve my family drama and get my butt into gear again. When I get depressed then I don't want to do anything at all. Like right now. I'm bored and I want to crochet but I have to wait since Rusty's days off keep changing. :(

Feeling relaxed

Well today was my Friday, meaning that for the next two days I am not supposed to crochet, look for patterns, or blog really. We all know that I'm not really going to follow that which means I will be on once or twice.

Goooooodmorning!!!!

If anyone had tried to talk to me two hours ago I would have been like "ehh go away... Need coffee...." I was until I got my coffee in me. Then it was on to waking up Rusty.... I almost dreaded it this morning especially after he got out of the bed walked into the living room and promptly faceplanted onto the couch where he immediately started to snore.... Lets just say that the next 45 minutes consisted of me roughly shaking him, talking to him, trying to drink my coffee, and getting grumped at for disturbing his sleep... Then after all of that he has 15 minutes to get ready for work and down his coffee. He left late, of course, after repeatedly telling me that I don't know how to wake people up and that I was supposed to wake him up at eight so he could shower. 

Really? Why do guys do that? Or people in general? If you cant get your butt up and out of bed in time in the mornings don't get up an hour before you have to leave, especially when you move really slowly. Gahh!! People! But I love him, I wouldn't change a thing. 

After he left I went to go get my glasses to see if I could fix them again so I can see. Which failed miserably.... :(. I have had problems with these glasses since i got them three years ago which is why I didn't wear them till my other pair finally broke. So now I need to see if I can super glue the screw in the hole in hopes that I can have them till I have the money for glasses, because "nobody got money for that right now."

Now onto my plan for my update tonight. I plan to have pictures and details of these following items:

Gir doll: http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=365733.0#axzz2x83rbpGW

Girls baby bonnet: http://patternsforcrochet.co.uk/bonnet-usa.html

Girls baby booties: http://www.repeatcrafterme.com/2012/10/crochet-cuffed-baby-booties-pattern.html?m=1

Crochet cell phone cozy. Now the pattern for this one is all my own. I'm not sure if i will be posting it. I do plan or writing it up soon though. Holding on to it till I think it is ready to share. 

Well now as the microwave keeps reminding me, my breakfast is ready, Heated up left overs! yum!

Talk at you later my lovelies!

-Erin

I'm filling out job applications

Because I need to have a part time job too (Rusty's idea.) I just want to crochet But we need the money my having a job could provide so we can move out of his parents house.
So I'm looking at Starbucks.... and did you know that there are 30 different locations in the 93727 area alone?
Me either.

Goodnight post

Well it has come to the end of the day and now it is time for my update. I have finished the girls baby bonnet I have been working on. I also have the matching baby booties almost completed all they need are flowers and a button sewn on. I'm excited to seem them finished! 
I have tried this pattern Cuffed baby booty before, now while I liked the pattern over all and liked the way they turned out I had an issue. 

You cant really tell in these photos but if you were to pick up the booty and turn it over you would see a dip in the heel of it where the pattern didn't just seem to flow right. I pulled and reworked the pattern a couple of times to see if I was doing it wrong. I even restarted the whole piece.

It wasn't until I watched the video tutorial this time around that I figured out what was wrong. The pattern was missing a stitch in the second round which kept pulling me up short. I also noticed that the count was off on my piece, that was because she didn't note that she switched from working in the slip stitch to working in the actual last stitch of the row. 

So I'm proud to say that the pattern worked this time around, after I watched the video to see where I kept messing up at I was able to make both pieces work right. They turned out much better on the bottom of the sole. 

So my advice, if working from a pattern make sure you read through it carefully once or twice before you start. If there is a video watch that too. Read the comments and see if they had any issues and how they were fixed. 

Don't pull an Erin. 

Now on to something more exciting (yay!) haha! Like sorting photo albums and repricing items is any fun. (I don't find it to be too much fun when you have let it slide). I would rather be crocheting. lol. Anywhoodles while I was doing this my mom messaged me and asked me why I was working on my photo albums when my work day is supposed to be over and I'm supposed to be relaxing. 

This, writing and organizing to me is relaxing. I like to crochet during the day while Rusty is at work so I don't lose track of where I am or get Interrupted too much. Besides at night time I like to go on the computer and organize. That's when my brain can function better at these things. Or early in the morning when I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I need crochet to keep me busy. 

I think I have typed your eyes off by now so this is my good night and promise to write you tomorrow. 

Sweet dream my lovelies. 

-Erin. 

Okay okay....

I know that this will be my third post today in the past hour or so, but before I log off and get to work I wanted to post the pattern that I'm working on and show you my work in progress pictures. 

This Cute baby bonnet has been my project for two days now. I decided to use a light pink with white accents. Its turning out to be really cute, all it needs is a tie and poms on the end.

Now to complete the look I want to make a matching booty set. I was thinking of doing mittens too but I'm not sure if that is over kill or if it will look good. I know its for a baby and parents like to keep them warm, but then again this is Fresno that I'm living in and our weather is nothing be weird. Its like a woman with mood swings. (I'm a woman. I can say this.)

So here are the bonnet pictures. Not the best lighting I know. I will take new pictures when its finished so you can see how pretty the colors look together. 

Bare with me....

So out of all the times I have tried to start a blog and keep it going, make it look good, make it popular, I have failed every single time. I always get scared of posting my true thoughts and feelings. Now while this is mainly my crochet blog I will probably post other things, like how my day went, or something that has been bothering me, maybe even some recipes. Mainly it will be what pattern am I working on. How I picked the pattern, what colors am I using and any problems I have run into. Not to mention the problems I am running into with starting my own crochet business. 
Now I have been crocheting off and on since I was 12 which is over ten years but that doesn't mean that I have done every pattern nor does it mean that I don't have issues with patterns. There are times I just want to rip my piece off of my hook and throw it against the wall. That is when I take a break and start a new piece, read, write, or play a game. 
I will post pictures of my work in progress which would be the colors that I have picked or someone wanted on a special order, along with the pattern and a pattern link, unless it is one of my own. I will also post pictures of my finished works (as long as I remember to take them). I have a habit of forgetting things but now I have more of a schedule ( working on day four of my new plan). I will let you know how it goes.... Well you guys will see, more like read how it goes. 

First

I love waking up to patterns in the morning! Its awesome when I open up Facebook and there are 10-15 different free patterns, which is when I re post them so I can bookmark them and reorganize so I can find it later. 
After browsing Facebook I decided to make breakfast for rusty before he had to leave for work. I made bacon, eggs, and Eggo waffles along with some coffee. Luckily I managed to have it done in time for him to eat and make it too work without having to rush. 
Now I have my cup of coffee and a water bottle next to me so I can bookmark pages work on my blog (I know I'm excited too! But its not ready for viewing yet.) Then I will finish the girl bonnet and start on the matching booties.  Have a good day my lovelies!